Islamonweb

Summary:

The promise made by your ex-boyfriend in the name of his mother is neither valid nor binding according to Islamic law. He should repent for making such an oath, and there is no sin in proceeding with the marriage. Islam emphasizes that oaths and swearing should be made only in the name of Allah, and the practice of swearing by others is either discouraged (makruh) or impermissible (Haram). If swearing by others is done with the intention to equate others with Allah in reverence, It will be shirk (association with Allah). 

Dear Sister in Islam,

Alhamdulillah, it's truly inspiring to witness your sincere intention to seek guidance and align your relationship with Islamic teachings. Recognizing the challenges of past mistakes and turning towards Allah with a heart full of repentance is a powerful step in nurturing both your faith and your connection with Allah.

The Prohibition of Swearing by Non-Divine Entities: In Islam, it is forbidden to swear by anyone other than Allah. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ explicitly prohibited such oaths. The hadith recorded in both Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim mentions that the Prophet said: “Indeed, Allah forbids you from swearing by your fathers. Whoever has to take an oath, let him swear by Allah or remain silent.” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Another hadith mentions: “Whoever swears by anything other than Allah has committed shirk or kufr.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi). Scholars such as Ibn Hajar al-Haytami explained that this wording is intended for strong disapproval and to warn people from such behaviour. It does not mean that the person becomes an actual disbeliever unless they intend to equate others with Allah in reverence.

Understanding Swearing in Non-Literal Terms: Scholars like Imam Nawawi clarified that there are instances where Arabs historically used phrases like “by your father” or “by your mother” not as literal oaths but as expressions of emphasis. For example, in the hadith where the Prophet ﷺ said: “By his father, he has succeeded if he speaks the truth,” (Muslim), Imam Nawawi explained that this was not an oath but merely a customary phrase of emphasis in the Arabic language.

Applying This to Your Situation: If the ex-boyfriend swore or made a promise by his mother not to marry you, it is important to note that such promises are not binding in Islam. This type of oath is not valid because it was made in the name of someone other than Allah, and as per Islamic jurisprudence, only oaths made in Allah’s name are considered binding.

If the promise mentioned in your question is an actual oath in its true sense and not just a phrase used as an expression of emphasis as mentioned in one of the hadiths above, it is advised for the ex-boyfriend to repent for this action, seek forgiveness from Allah, and refrain from making such promises in the future. He is not religiously bound by this promise, and it is permissible for you both to get married if you wish to do so, provided all other conditions for marriage in Islam are fulfilled.

Meanwhile, we remind you that relationships outside the sacred bond of marriage are considered sinful because they contradict the purpose of love and companionship as ordained by Allah. The Qur'an and Hadith emphasize the importance of maintaining chastity and avoiding actions that lead to temptation. Allah says in the Qur'an: “And do not go near adultery. Indeed, it is an immorality and evil as a way” (Al-Isra 17:32). Islam calls for relationships to be built on commitment, respect, and lawful union through marriage, where love is nurtured in a way that is pleasing to Allah. It is through marriage that we fulfil our emotional, spiritual, and physical needs in a manner that brings barakah (blessings) to our lives. For more details on this, you can refer to our previous answer in this regard.

May Allah accept our repentance, purify our hearts, and bless us with strength and guidance on this beautiful path towards righteousness and lawful relationships.